The Culprit

I love photography. I want to be an excellent photographer. I know where I am at with my skills. I am barely scratching the surface, I am nothing compared to the photographers I follow on my facebook page.

I find myself working against my own success so many times. 

I just did a photoshoot with a family, a pregnant mom, a 2 year old daughter and a husband. I am still working on my editing in Lightroom because my computer cannot process too much load, it takes forever to export 10 photos. And tonight, I see one of the photography pages I follow post a maternity photo. Sharp focus, beautiful background, beautiful contrast, beautiful back lighting with beautifully exposed subject. And then I start questioning my ability. Am I going to improve? Will I ever be this good? I know the camera and the glass has a lot to do with the super sharp quality of the image, but I still feel very very inferior. I know I have read it before, almost too many a times, the only artist I should compare myself to is myself! But that is way harder than people think. 

I look back and see how much I have improved. Learning to use my camera, from Full Auto, to shooting Full Manual, that is a lot of improvement. My SOOC photos can be posted on FB without post processing if I choose to, I have learned the rule of thirds, I have been improving. But what is wrong with me? I keep looking up to those that have made it in this business and the quality of their work and I keep doubting if I will ever be as good as them. 

This I tell myself:

If I will never have clients at all, I guess I would take it as a sign that I will never be a full time professional photographer, eventually. But for now, I will do what I can to improve myself and capture as many photos and hearts as I can. And one day, I pray, I will get there. Until then, I have to be thankful, be filled with gratitude with what my God has gifted me with. The eyes he gave me and my love for beauty will always lead to keep clicking, even IF I stay an amateur forever.